For sometime now while walking my dog Bear, I have looked at the imprint of the leaves in the concrete sidewalk shown above in marvel.  The beautifully perfect unchangeable representation of what those leaves looked like in a given moment of time and how that innate beauty drives a smile from me and creates a feeling of thankfulness and happiness everytime that I walk by.  

Today, that vision invited me to ponder how in ways that concrete imprint represents me. I suppose that thought process was pushed by where I have been and where I currently am on my path of personal growth, development and the continuing emersion of self.  The general fact for me is that in years past I would have still been delighted at the sight, as things in nature have always brought out a peaceful happiness in me, but at those times no additional thought or correlation would have transpired. In my journey I have transversed through darkened tunnels, over swinging bridges, hurried barefoot on hot sand, ventured slowly thru dense fog, addressed a beehive with calming smoke and basked in the warmth of the sun.  All metaphors, of course, but circumstances that have together brought me to a true awareness and mindfulness that everything is connected and supported in a way that when we open ourselves up to it, and relinquish some of the control that we cling to for a sense of stability, provides to us useful connection, insight, comfort, direction, opportunity and solution.  

The core of the leaf is often how we identify the tree that the leaf is associated with just as our personal characteristics are how others identify us and how we identify ourselves.  The outline blade, solid midrib, distinct main veins and interweaving netted veins. The midriff allows the leaf to hold its shape ( remember the phrase “get a backbone” ) and the veins provide structure and support.  Much like us as individuals and our core values. Those qualities that are essential to who we are as a person and those that we surround ourselves with that are in alignment with those same core values is that which allows us to function at our highest, contribute in the brightest light and bloom in the way our soul was meant to.  Interweaving netted veins that transport our “sap” from the hearts of one person to another providing the structure and support necessary to blossom within a society of multiple different core values.

Although we are a work in progress, hopefully we are making ongoing adaptations based on what we learn about ourselves.  Changes towards living a life that is one with our own core values. I look at us as the concrete that held the imprint. That concrete is made up of a mixture of fine particles and coarse particles that together are solid in form.  In us, the fine particles are things that we like or enjoy such as knitting, watching TV or eating salads. Those are things that over time may or maynot change but does not change the core of who we are. The coarse particles are things that we as an individual value that are a constant necessity for us to be content and happy. For example loyalty, appearance, acknowledgement or adventure.  When I attempt to fit into an environment or conform instead of choosing to navigate towards and network with those of same or similar core values, that is when I have experienced feelings of depression, frustration, stress and being stuck. The result of what is referred to as social contagion; unconsciously mimicking others in our environment. While we cannot be around people all the time that have like core values, you see why it is important to be clear on our own values and surround ourselves as much as possible with those of the same.  If not, we then unconsciously are conforming and therefore go against our very own nature which causes the distressed feelings. We are sailing our boat against the wind. Not many can shine the brightest light when conforming as you are then struggling against and stifling your true self by living a life around things and values that others have decided is important.

Just to clarify, those with same or similar core values by appearances can be totally different individuals.  Just because someone may share the core value of the importance of family they may choose to honor that in a totally different way than you would.  Someone who shares your core value of independence may honor that by choosing to live life as a single adult while you may honor that by being an entrepreneur. Those are all subtle  differences that make us each who we are. So I am not saying that spending a majority of your time with people just like you is the way to shine. Quite the opposite. For me, exposure to those subtle differences initiates growth while still in an environment that is supportive to me.  That will be different for everyone, as we each have our own core values.

I experienced this recently myself.  I was working from my home with the office being located some 73 miles away when I was notified that come early December 2018 that home position would no longer be available and that I would be instead working at the actual office.  My heart sank but I soon found myself rallying around the idea in support of myself and others whose positions would as well be moving to that same office. All in an attempt to make the transition for myself and others be felt in a more positive way.  To make it ok. I have since then, thru my journey, recognized those actions, albeit positive were those of avoidance. A behavior that I had learned as a child and carried over into my adult life. As the move date drew nearer, I became more and more unsettled about the the consequences the move would have on me and my family.  Approximately 3 hours drive time daily as well as other personal factors. Already well into the journey of self development which had started a couple years prior, I began cautiously listening to my feelings about the situation and eventually, with a peaceful heart, tendered my resignation effective prior to the move. No new job to go to, no other source of income as a sole provider in my home and no “valid” reason to give to inquisitive minds who didn’t quite understand my decision.  Understanding their concern as, lets face it, without an income in many ways life can become a challenge. If I am vulnerable, I admit to my desires being what led to that final decision to resign. But in retrospect, I am confident that God and the Universe was working for me, forcing me to learn to listen to myself and what was best for me. How many times have we heard it said that we cannot control what happens to us but we can control how we react? Believing and positivity goes a long way in outcomes.  Ephesians 4:23 states “to be made new in the attitude of your minds”.

Although I still have not secured a new job, my heart is amazingly at peace.  I have not been without tears or trying moments, but thru it my heart has remained peaceful and I am now living a life closer to my core values than I ever have before.  I had been searching for what “felt” like my place in life and with this decision and the time it has afforded me, I have found some of those places. I now attend an amazing, non-judgemental and supportive church community which no matter what each of the members interests are, share the same core value of faith.  A couple writers groups which I now attend is fostering my long lost love of writing and share my value of time, expression and non-structure. I am developing a relationship with my two young adult son’s in an integrated form that did not exist before. Supporting my value of family. Even in the midst of the trials that have ensued, the peace in my heart and mind are to me, almost unbelievable.  

As you look at your life today, what foliage are you displaying?  Is the community with which you are a part of “your” tree? Are you honoring the tree within?  What are your core values? What are the feelings that you are experiencing today? Are any of those negative feelings attributed to an area(s) where you are not living in sync with your core values?  If so, list some possible solutions and how you can take action. Can you attribute your positive feelings to ways that you are living in sync with your core values?

Until next time, Blessings!

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are”, Carl Gustav Jung.